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When I was a teenager in the 1990s, authorities appeared to think that wage disparity between genders was best addressed by telling girls that no goal was out of reach. Splashy, lurid pink ads told me that systemic and societal barriers would yield to my self-confidence.

Scholars have since debunked the notion that someone can transform their existence through optimistic thoughts. Will Storr, in his book Selfie, explains how the neoliberal myth of equal opportunities fuels much of personal development trends.

Nevertheless, I still feel remains convinced that if I work hard and assemble a firm goal map, I can attain my most ambitious goals: the only thing standing between me and my destiny is me. Where can I locate a state of balance, an equilibrium between trusting in my unlimited potential but not blaming myself for each setback?

The Answer Is Found in Self-Effacement

The resolution, according to an early Christian thinker, a theologian from ancient Africa, centers on meekness. He noted that humility was the foundation of each additional excellence, and that for those pursuing divinity “the first part is humility; the following, modesty; the third, lowliness”.

For a lapsed Catholic like me, the word “humility” may trigger various unpleasant feelings. I grew up during a period in Catholicism when worrying about appearance constituted the sin of vanity; sexual desire was unacceptable outside of procreation; and even pondering solo sex was deemed a transgression.

I don’t think that the saint meant this, but throughout much of my life, I confused “meekness” with shame.

Healthy Humility Isn’t About Personal Disgust

Being humble, as per psychiatrist Ravi Chandra, isn’t equivalent to despising yourself. A person with balanced humility is proud of their skills and accomplishments while acknowledging that knowledge is infinite. Chandra describes various types of meekness: modesty regarding cultures; meekness across ages; openness to learning; meekness about what one knows; recognition of room for growth; appreciation for others’ wisdom; humility of awe; and humility in the face of suffering.

Studies in psychology has similarly found a range of benefits coming from modesty in intellect, such as greater resilience, acceptance and relatedness.

Modesty at Work

In my work as a pastoral care practitioner in aged care, I presently consider meekness as the act of being present to the other. Modesty serves as a centering practice: returning, step by step, to the floor under my feet and the individual across from me.

There are some residents who share with me repeated tales from their lives, repeatedly, whenever we meet. Instead of watching the clock, I try to listen. I aim to remain inquisitive. What can I learn from this individual and the narratives they cherish while other things faded?

Philosophical Stillness

I strive to adopt the philosophical approach that theological scholar Huston Smith termed “creative quietude”. Taoist philosophers advise people to quiet the ego and reside in sync with the flow of creation.

This may be highly applicable amid efforts to restore the harm humanity has caused upon Earth. Through her publication Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs clarifies that practicing humility helps us rediscover “the inner creature, the being that trembles toward the unseen". Embracing an attitude of meekness, of not-knowing, allows us to remember humanity belongs of an expansive system.

The Elegance of Modesty

There is a barrenness and hopelessness that comes with believing you can do anything: success – if it involves becoming wealthy, shedding pounds, or winning the presidential race – becomes the only acceptable option. Meekness allows for dignity and failure. I practice modesty, grounded in reality, which means the essentials are available to grow.